Sunday, June 21, 2020

The Sunday Post [50]

The Sunday Post is a weekly meme hosted by Kimberly at the Caffeinated Reviewer! It's an opportunity to share news, post a recap for the previous week, showcase books, and highlight what's planned for the week ahead.

News:

Happy Father's Day, lovelies! I'm currently not speaking to my Dad (more on that in a minute), but my husband is a phenomenal father! Marriage is hard𑁋we've struggled over the years𑁋but he has always been there for our children. His love for them is apparent in everything he does, and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to share this life with. He's never too tired to play with them, or too frustrated to help with homework. He'll let the girls put bows in his hair and paint his toes. He lets our son climb all over him like a jungle gym, and ask endless questions about the world (sometimes the same question repeatedly). No matter what happens with the kids𑁋good or bad𑁋his words and actions always come from a place of love. Our monsters are so lucky to have him for a father. ❤

As for my Dad...

Reason #1: I didn't know my father was married before my mother, or that I had a half-sister, until I was in High School. My sister called one day and said, "Hey, can I talk to Dad?" and I had no idea what she was talking about. My parents had kept this HUGE SECRET𑁋a sibling𑁋from me and my brother for years. How crazy is that? Even once we learned about her and my father's first wife, we still didn't visit my half-sister, nor did she come to visit us. It was a very messed up situation. I'm going to be 31 in a few days, and I only recently (as in two days ago) tracked her down online and got in touch with her. 

Just think about that for a minute... I've had a sister for THIRTY ONE YEARS, and we are just now speaking and getting to know one another. I did meet her very briefly at a Thanksgiving several years ago, but I wouldn't have known who she was had she not introduced herself. I'd never even seen a picture of her before. I regret not getting her information then, but at the time I thought, "Oh, I'll just get it from Dad later." Well, every time I asked him for her address or phone number, he had some excuse for why he wasn't able to. Lame excuses. "Oh, I don't have it on me", or "I'll have to look when I get home." Thankfully, the internet loves to share people's personal information, and an old email address of hers was still active. 

I've discovered that my sister is a lovely, wonderful person. She's a mother! I have a nephew that's going to be a senior this year𑁋bananas! I can't believe I've missed out on so many milestones in her life, and that she hasn't been able to be there for mine (the birth of my children, college graduation, etc.). We're definitely not going to waste anymore time, and I've enjoyed staying up late getting to know this person that I should have known my entire life

Reason #2: My father is racist. It's so bad you guys, it's hard to talk to my parents. What makes it worse? My newly-found sister's husband is Black, and my nephew is biracial. That means my father's son-in-law and grandson are often on the receiving end of that racism, whether he "means it that way" or not. The other day I asked him how he could so casually use the N-word when his own family was diverse, and his response was simply, "And?" AND? I shouldn't have to explain this to him! I shouldn't have to tell my father why it's not okay to hate an entire group of people. 

I asked my mother if she could say, "Black lives matter," and do you know what she said? You've probably guessed by now, "ALL LIVES MATTER, LINDSI!" Again, I tried to explain the ignorance of this response, but then turned her hypocrisy around on her. My aforementioned half-sister was in and out of children's homes while she was growing up, and my parents didn't take her in. Why? "She was too damaged at that point," and they "didn't want her around" me and brother. I WAS LIVID. I said, "All lives matter, just not the broken ones?" She hung up on me, and we haven't spoken since. 

What's even more insane, is that my parent's don't think they're racist, despite my providing them with evidence that proves otherwise. They told me I hadn't lived their lives, or shared their experiences at work, blah blah blah, so there's no way I would understand their beliefs and prejudices. They even tried to contact my sister to "warn her against me," because they were afraid of what I might say. Guilty conscience? I think so. I don't need that negativity in my life, and I certainly don't want it around my children. This is something I needed to get off my chest, because it hurts that they are this way. It hurts that they can't see how their words and actions affect people.

Previous week on the blog:
What I'm currently reading: 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316126047/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=561c6036c3ac8fbad1b77f906ff4297b&language=en_UShttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1982121475/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=1374c88ef7bb86dcde22c144ee7b248d&language=en_UShttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1681190087/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=a4d16e57d41ef82640882683bf5c6f18&language=en_US
Lair of Dreams (The Diviners, #2) by Libba Bray 🎧
Head Over Heels by Hannah Orenstein 
Letters to the Lost (Letters to the Lost, #1) by Brigid Kemmerer

What I plan on reading next:

https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Unframed-Deb-Caletti/dp/1534426973/ref=as_li_ss_tl?adid=082VK13VJJCZTQYGWWCZ&campaign=211041&dchild=1&keywords=Girl,+Unframed&qid=1592765740&s=books&sr=1-1&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=ff30a7a4dba10ba74285a38406e6f473&language=en_UShttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07WK4X981/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=9ed177f9ecee999753a6ad258ccd4183&language=en_UShttps://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1534449701/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&SubscriptionId=1MGPYB6YW3HWK55XCGG2&linkCode=ll1&tag=doyoudogear-20&linkId=789ec2c2f97c7eb9e5751a63fc3e0c9b&language=en_US
Girl, Unframed by Deb Caletti 
The Oddmire, Book 2: The Unready Queen (The Oddmire, #2) by William Ritter
I Killed Zoe Spanos by Kit Frick

What I'm watching:

The kids and I have been watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Jacob and I started Space Force. I'm really enjoying sharing something from my childhood with the monsters, and I'm loving the cast for Space Force. I'm trying to catch up on The Good Place, but there's just not enough time in a day. Oh! The new season of Kipo is fantastic! 

Challenge updates:

22 comments:

  1. So, my dad was married twice before my mom (she was married twice before as well) and had 1 kid from his first marriage, and 2 from his second. I knew my siblings from his second marriage, but when I was in elementary school, my grandma (dad's mom) told me I had a sister named Caroline. I'm 40 and I have never met her. My dad never bothered to look for her and her mom after they left. He hasn't spoken to them in 50 years. Also, my parents a huge trump supporters and can't understand why I teach in an inner city school and not a nice suburban school... So, I understand your pain and frustration. Hugs from someone who gets it!

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    1. My brother-in-law was married and has a kid, and then has a kid with someone he was just dating, and now he's remarried to someone that has two kids. He's been around for the first child's life, but he's never even seen the second. My in-laws don't talk about her, they don't include her when they say how many grandchildren Granny has, etc. It's like she doesn't exist. I hate that. She's still family. She's probably going to want to now who her father is one day. UGH, being related to Trump supporters is the WORST. *hugs*

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  2. I am so sorry about the difficulties with your parents and glad you are now going to get to know your sister. My brother is a little too Republican for me these days. It's all about money and his own family. It does hurt. Take care and stay well!

    Anne - Books of My Heart Here is my Sunday Post   

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    1. The one positive has been getting to know my sister. It's crazy the stories we were told as children, and that they were able to keep her a secret for so long. Apparently, my dad only visits her once a year, even when my brother lived in the area for two years when he went to college. My parents were down there every other weekend to see him, but didn't drive across town to see her. It's crazy.

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    2. I'm also sorry about your brother. My entire family is very pro-Trump, and my brother-in-law thinks he hung the stars. *gags*

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  3. Wow! That is quite a story. Good for you for making the effort to get to know your half-sister, and I hope you can make some new memories together.

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    1. I seriously had to creep online to find her information. She had several "known" email addresses, so I just sent a group message to them all. Luckily, one of them worked! It was crazy how it happened, but I'm glad we've been able to start building a relationship. She's told me some very heartbreaking stories, and I just had no idea. I hate that I didn't know.

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  4. First of all, congrats on getting to know your half- sister! How awesome is that? I mean, the getting to know her part. I know the thing with your dad must be super frustrating and painful. Like we've discussed before, parents can be... problematic! And oh no about your mother. I'm so sorry to hear that. I think a lot of us are struggling with family members who don't "get it", so you're definitely not alone. I could tell some stories too...

    It does help to share though, i think. I find that sharing some of my frustrations with others helps me vent a little haha. Hang in there! :)

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    1. I've really enjoyed talking to my sister over the last week or so! She's an amazing person, and I hate that I'm only now getting to know her. I've missed my nephew's entire childhood. It's heartbreaking. I don't think I'll ever forgive my parents for that. They've done some messed up things in the past, but I think this takes the cake.

      If you need to vent and tell some stories, feel free to DM me or shoot me an email! I'm happy to listen, and will probably understand, haha. Sharing has helped, because I don't feel like I'm shouldering all of this craziness alone. My husband is there, which has been helpful, but it's also not the same as getting my story down and out there. (Maybe that makes sense?)

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  5. Wow I don't even know what to say other than I'm so glad you are connecting with your sister now (better late than never!) and getting to know her and her family. She sounds wonderful!

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    1. Better late than never is right! I'm happy we're getting this time, but hate that we've already missed so much. My parents were wrong to keep her a secret from us, and it's not something I'll likely be able to forgive.

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  6. Sorry you are dealing with those issues with your parents. It’s hard when things seem so obvious and someone just doesn’t get it. I’m glad that you’re in contact with your sister, though. I hope that turns out to be a good relationship.

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    1. What's one more issue to deal with in 2020? The icing on the cake is going to be when one of my parents gets COVID because they're not taking it seriously. They. Just. Had. A. Bingo. Night. I just cannot with them anymore. I'm really happy to be connecting with my sister now though, so there's one positive in this madness.

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  7. The whole thing is surreal. You've talked about your parents and their views before, but this is a new level of "it sucks". I hope at least your relationship with your newfound sister turns out to be wonderful! It sure is looking up 🙂. (Also, it doesn't hurt that you have a great husband).

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    1. Having a good husband helps! Again, we're not perfect, but we do try to be there for each other. Marriage is hard (which I'm sure you know by now)! ;) My parents suck, ugh. I still haven't spoken to them. My mom wants to be basically pretend their not racist, because she won't "be that way" around me anymore. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER, MOM.

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  8. I'm sorry to read about your troubles with your dad. That sounds very hard. I haven't seen or spoken to mine in over 15 years. This is only the second year I've done something for Father's Day since my husband is now a wonderful dad to our girl.
    I'm glad you'll be able to get to know your sister.

    Happy reading.

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    1. I moved out of my parents house when I was 17 and a senior in high school. I didn't speak to them for 6 years. I finished college, got married, and got pregnant before even attempting to make contact with them. Now I'm wishing I'd just kept my distance. I'm so happy your husband is wonderful, and that your family can celebrate Father's Day with gusto now. <3

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  9. Wow I'm sorry about your parents being like that. The good thing is that you finally have new people in your life to get to know-your new sister and her family. That will be exciting for all of you! My dad has always been the best dad ever-LOTR for bedtime stories, never too busy for me and has always been there. I guess I'm realising just how lucky I am.

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    1. Your dad sounds amazing! I'm happy you've had such a wonderful influence in your life. No secret siblings is definitely a bonus these days, haha. I'm enjoying getting to know my sister, nephew, and brother-in-law. They're lovely people! :)

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  10. Oh, Lindsi, I'm so sorry. I hope that your mum and dad come to realise the truth before it's too late. Great news about your new-found family though. XxXX

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    1. I think they'd die before admitting they were wrong. I'll be 31 in a few days, and I've never heard my mother say, "I'm sorry." She'll hedge that she MAYBE made a mistake, but she will not outright own it and make amends.

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  11. Oh Lindsi, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with so much. That's a huge secret. Wow. I have two brothers and a sister from my dads first marriage. But my mom gave up a son for adoption before she met my dad and didn't tell us about him for a very long time. I found him and my mom was able to meet him before she passed away.

    Right now I'm not speaking to my dad either but it's because I confronted him about beating us when we were kids after my step mother brought it up and he said it never happened. So we stopped speaking. Families are crazy sometimes.

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“Stuff and nonsense. Nonsense and stuff and much of a muchness and nonsense all over again. We are all mad here, don't you know?”
― Marissa Meyer, Heartless